Shrimp, Beast and the pink haired menance
by phppsmss
Summary: Hitsugaya does not look for trouble. Trouble usually finds him, and it comes in the form of Kenpachi and his vice captain.Chapter 1: Welcome teaparty at the Eleventh Division


**Disclaimer: You should know the mantra by now.**

A week into his captaincy, Hitsugaya received an invitation to a welcome tea party in the Eleventh Division.

Welcome parties were a norm. After all, he had been to a welcome party several days ago hosted by Ukitate in the Thirteenth Division. Amidst the incessant coughs, the thirteen captain had warmly welcomed him to the club of Shiro-Chans, showering him with tons of candy.

The arrival of Shunsui meant that a sake party was at bay. It degraded into a chaotic affair, with the drunkards (namely Matsumoto and Shunsui) singing off-key tunes for hours before slumping onto the floor, dead to the world – a scene that Hitsugaya would be witnessing many times in the years to come.

Invitations to welcome parties usually came in folded letters with neat handwriting

The invitation from Eleventh Division however, was made of cardboard with messily scrawled handwriting using crayons in courtesy of Kusajishi Fukutaichou.

Truth to be told, he harbored doubts on accepting the invite. There were many rumours about the Eleventh Division. Some had even claimed to witness mangled body parts, which were the handy work of the demon himself, abandoned outside the Eleventh Division. Hitsugaya was certain that there were fallacies to that claim.

No, he was not affected by the rumours, though he agreed that the Eleventh Division was filled with thick-headed lunatics…

After musing for quite some time, the illogical side of Histugaya took over and he decided to just damn it all and accept the invitation.

They were just being courteous, thus he should just return the favour.

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**The** big day came quickly and Hitsugaya found himself standing in front of the looming doors of the Eleventh Division. The doors parted revealing Ikkaku and Yukimura in their shining glory.

"Taichou is preparing in the main hall, Hitsugaya Taichou." Yukimura pointed inwards.

Hitsugaya tried really hard not to stare. Those feather like things were proving to be a great distraction.

As the trio trotted, they past scores of lower seated officers engaged in practice spars. In Hitsugaya's opinion, it looked more like brawls with their sloppy swordplay and explosive tempers.

The arrival of the genius captain who was vertically challenged caught the attention of many and Hitsugaya could make out certain snippets of the conversation from the not so subtle ones.

"… short brat isn't he?"

"…a captain? Hell, sure doesn't look like it."

He was used to such comments but that did not prevent his murderous, icy reiatsu from seeping. As a captain, it was undignified to start a brawl with, what Byakuya would call, underlings.

The trio soon reached the main hall and Ikkaku proceeded to rap hard on the doors.

" Taichou, the shrim-" Ikkaku gagged as Yukimura instantly clamped his mouth.

Hitsugaya twitched._ Then again, a punch or two on that damned baldly doesn't seem like a bad idea._

"Taichou." Yukimura called out, "Hitsugaya _Taichou_ has arrived."

"The massive doors swung open revealing Yachiru.

"Shiro-chan! I am so glad you made it!"

"It's Hitsugaya Taichou." Hitsugaya remarked irritably.

Yachiru paid no attention as she proceeded to tow Hitsugaya though another set of doors.

What met his eyes was a sight to behold.

The hall was basked in pink, literally. Pink walls, pink curtains, glittery pink welcome words pasted on the wall, pink streamers, pink balloons…

It was pink, pink, and more pink of varying degrees everywhere.

And there was Zaraki in the midst of pink, sitting by what it looks like … a toy teaset.

Yachiru towed Hitsugaya, apparently rather shocked by the radical change of tea ceremonies, dumped him next to Zaraki and handed him a large plastic cup filled with murky stuff.

"It's tea brat. It won't kill you." Kenpachi retorted, emptying the contents of his large pink teacup with a mighty swig.

"That's right Shiro-chan! We have cakes and pastries and lots and lots of stuff too!" Yachiru chirped happily.

" Don't call me Shiro-chan. It is Hitsugaya –taichou."

"Why not?" Yachiru enquired, "Hinamori-chan calls you shiro-chan too!"

"That's because…"

"It's a lover's thing Yachiru." Kenpachi snorted as he helped himself to another cup of tea.

"What lover's thing Ken-chan?" Yachiru asked, totally oblivious towards Hitsugaya's gradually reddening face.

"You will understand when you grow older." Kenpachi replied as Yachiru pouted cutely.

Hitsugaya turned deeper crimson.

The sudden clap of hands by Yachiru caught Hitsugaya's attention.

"It's a surprise performance for you Shiro-Chan!" Yachiru exclaimed.

Hitsugaya had a sense of foreboding.

The doors burst open and Ikkaku shamelessly fleeted in with pride radiating in all directions. The baldy began to give a lengthy speech on how honored he was and proceeded to recall how such a fantastic dance was created.

_Luck luck dance?_

With far too much enthusiaism, Ikkaku bounced onto the tips of his toes and moved to the beat as he started to bleat out the lyrics.

"Lucky. Lucky. I am so lucky …"

Then at the climax, Ikkaku stretched his arms and leg parallel to the ground, all while tiptoeing on one leg. As an added effect, he squeaked out the "lucky" word and proceeded to repeat the climax part in the opposite direction.

Hitsugaya was speechless.

The performance continued with Yukimura strutting into the room showing off a dance which he claimed was befitting of his grace and beauty. A huge fan was used specially for the wind effect.

Kenpachi had enough.

Probably due to the fact that the duo was an embarrassment, ruining the reputation of the Eleventh Division which took decades of painstaking effort to built, Kenpachi ordered them to drag their sorry asses out with promises of bodily harm.

Ikkaku hurriedly dragged Yukimura, who was posing, out of the room leaving Hitsugaya to confirm his initial suspicions that the Eleventh Division was filled with lunatics.

"Mou Ken-Chan, why did you do that? Now we don't have entertainment!" Yachiru started to whine.

"Che, they were acting like pansies." Kenpachi grunted, "Go and amuse yourself with other stuff."

And that's how Hitsugaya found himself in the midst of lots of food served on toy kitchen ware. He was practically drowning in finger food and he was supposed to use those ridiculously small plastic cutlery that broke easily.

Yachiru, on the other hand, became a gracious host as she entertained Hitsugaya with action packed stories - depicting the adventures of Ken-chan and her – filled with lots of blood, violence and gore.

"… then Ken-Chan hit his head really hard and there was this cracking sound…"

"…"

"… and Ken- Chan poked his sword through and there was lots and lots of blood. It was really pretty red colour, right Ken-Chan?"

"Yeh kid, that bstard was swimming in his blood."

Despite her good intentions, Yachiru attempts to entertain Hitsugaya was seriously backfiring. Rather, his appetite for food disappeared quickly. It did not help when the strawberry shortcake served to him was oozing strawberry fudge.

Adventure stories continued for several hours, probably due to all the excess sugar stored in Yachiru. Hitsugaya assumed the role of a very patient listener while Kenpachi added his two cents in once in a while.

It was only till late evening when Yachiru's batteries finally wore off. With the lack of energy, she began to feel drowsy and eventually started to snore, leaving Kenpachi to deal with the stoic tenth division captain.

It was Hitsugaya who broke the silence first as he thanked Kenpachi for the welcome party.

"Che, it was nothing. Yachiru was the one who planned all these. I would have asked you for a spar." Kenpachi gave a predatory grin.

That was the traditional, unorthodox Eleventh Division greeting, which usually ends in trips to the fourth division.

"So kid …"

"The name is Hitsugaya, _Zaraki_." Hitsugaya growled.

Kenpachi ignored him and continued, "Why did you choose to become a captain?"

"Don't give me those shit about duty and stuff. There ain't anything pretty about some of those captains you know. Kuchiki looks like something got stuck up his royal ass and that Mayuri bstard looks like an experiment gone wrong."

Hitsugaya did not have the heart to tell him that Kenpachi looked like a spawn of Frankenstein himself.

"Then why did you become a captain in the first place, Zaraki?"

The toy kettle was void of tea hours ago and there was no other consumable liquid lying about. Barking at the lower seat officer stationed outside to fetch sake, he gave the short captain a bored stare before replying, "Many years ago kid, I was loitering about Rukongai slashin' and killin'. As those wimps began to dwindle in number, I realized that those powerful ones were captains. To fight them, I had to be a captain myself. Hence _I killed that retard of a captain._"

_As simple as that._

Kenpachi started to relate to past experiences, describing in detail his journey to Nirvana, which in reality was actually his search for worthier opponents to maim and slaughter. He was onto the aspects of battle now, his excitement portrayed by periodic bursts of reiatsu emitting from the giant's body

How battles excite him…

How the thrill of finding a strong opponent stirred his blood…

How the tearing of flesh was music to his ears…

It never cease to amaze Hitsugaya how Kenpachi could emit such passion for killing. He had witnessed subtle killing intent radiating off the eleventh division captain during the captaincy test. With Kenpachi ranting off his own version of blood, violence and gore, it was no wonder that Yachiru turned out rather corrupted.

However, drinking sake from the pink plastic teacup was shattering the brute's mean image.

Totally.

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**Night** had fallen and Hitsugaya felt that he had enough of tea (he rejected sake) and violent stories. Plus, he had tons of paperwork, which accumulated to dangerous levels only a week into his captaincy.

And his vice –captain was not helping.

Hitsugaya was only acquainted with his vice-captain for a week or so hence he supposed that judging a book by it's cover was inappropriate. Yet the horrible impression Matsumoto gave him when she slumped across the couch on the very first day of his captaincy hinted that his vice-captain was useless in the admin department.

The thought of drowning in paperwork was not pleasant thus Hitsugaya decided to leave.

Thanking Kenpachi once more, he stood up and prepared to leave…

…only to feel something tugging .

Hitsugaya looked down and saw a sleeping Yachiru unconsciously grabbing his robe. Several tugs of his robe proved futile to dislodge it from her death grip.

"It's a habit." Kenpachi remarked as he downed more sake, treating such a scene as a daily occurrence. "When she first met Yukimura, she clung onto his feathers till he had to rip them off. Once she finds a new toy, she will never let go of it until the novelty wears off."

Hitsugaya twitched once more.

_A toy?_

Anyway, there were three ways to solve the current problem at hand .

One, he could return to his division with Yachiru in tow.

That was awfully wrong in so many ways. There would be rumours of unimaginable content spreading within Serertei if someone caught a whiff of such scandalous behavior. He had his own far share of rumours during his school life alright, but his reputation of a captain was at stake now and he did not intend to be blacklisted together with Shunsui as playboy captains.

Gosh, imagine the horror.

Of course, Kenpachi would never allow his precious vice-captain to leave his division in the wee hours of the night.

Secondly, he could just use his sword and slice of part of his robe which was caught in the contraception.

That again was not appropriate. Captain robes were custom made and it took nearly a month to produce one. Strutting about in a torn robe speaks volumes about his competency. Moreover, Kenpachi would not hesitate to draw blood if a sword was pointed at Yachiru regardless of captains or seated officers.

Thirdly, he could just wake Yachiru up and remove the robe from her vice grip.

With the earlier two suggestions unfeasible, the third suggestion was the only way to solve the problem.

"Kusajishi Fukutaichou, ple-"

"Don't wake her up brat." Kenpachi interrupted, ignoring the frosty look his younger counterpart was giving him, "She gets really grouchy if someone interrupts her sleep and gives us lots of shit later on."

"What should I do then?" Hitsugaya asked, sighing inwardly.

"Stay for the night. We'll go to Yachiru's room."

"Wha-"

"Or do you want to go to mine instead?"

_Definitely not._

**Hitsugaya** was highly thankful that the trip to Yachiru room was uneventful. Most of the eleventh division members were back rotting in their dorms, gambling and drowning in sake. The trio met Ikkaku and Yukimura though, who were out on their rounds. At least Yukimura had the decency to look sympathetic to Hitsugaya's plight as compared to his hairless partner who was trying to stifle his laughter, and failing miserably.

"It's not that bad Hitsugaya-taichou." Yukimura said, giving his partner a sharp jab in the side. "Fukutaichou usually wakes up earlier than the other division members and with some luck, you might be able to free your robe."

_Might?!_

Yachiru's room showed her signature pink. It was littered with mutated drawings of various eleventh division members done by Yachiru herself.

The short captain was glad that futons were not like those raised beds he saw in the real world during hollow trainings years ago. He could just place himself next to the futon where Yachiru would be sleeping without looking too scandalous. The raised bed on the other hand meant that he either had to share the bed with Yachiru, hang dangerously at the side of the bed or drag Yachiru down to the floor with him.

Settling next to the futon, Hitsugaya realized the massive captain was also preparing to settle down in the opposite direction.

Faced with Hitsugaya's questioning look, Kenpachi answered, "I'm supervisin' "

_Supervising?_

"I'll be watching you so don't even _think_ of doing anything funny."

It took a while for Hitsugaya to register what Kenpachi said and truth to be told, he was highly insulted cum pissed at the not so subtle accusation. Granted, Kenpachi said it due to his over protectiveness but still…

Hitsugaya sighed inwardly as he flopped down, back facing Yachiru. With the tenth division disappearance for the night, Matsumoto must be conducting her search right now. If she knew what happened, he would never live it down. He could be teased mercilessly and Hitsugaya had this feeling that Matsumoto would be more than happy to spread rumours.

Suppressing a groan, Hitsugaya shut his eyes. He needed rest to sustain enough energy tomorrow to keep damage to a sustainable minimum.

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**Unfortunately, **it was one of those rare mornings where Yachiru decided to sleep in late.

Very late.

By the time Hitsugaya managed to walk out of the room with his robe freed and very much irritated, the eleventh division members were up and running, lurking in every corner of the division.

Thus the sight of Hitsugaya stalking out of their Fukutaichou's room set gears in minds turning, many tongues wagging , rumours spreading to other divisions faster than the speed of sound and many frozen asses due to Hitsugaya's overly frayed nerves to rein in his reiatsu.

When he stepped into the tenth division, Matsumoto gave a sly grin and congratulated on his bold move. She then reminded him of his commitment towards Hinamori and cautioned about two-timing.

The first week of his captaincy started off with a bang, marred with rumours and all.

Life was realllllyyy peachy.

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Finally it's done! I took a lllooooonnnnnnnnnngggg time to cough this out cause I was addicted to drama serials (return of the condor heroes) and new anime (chrno crusade and black cat) for weeks.

This fic will probably have 3 or 4 chapters unless I decide to make all chapters a oneshot and stop adding chapters. The fifth chapter will be made as a separate fic and will be posted next year (I don't know exactly when…). It will be a fic a little similar to _Help Wanted_ but staring Kenpachi not Yamamoto as one of the main characters this time round.

I do hope I can churn out the new xmas fic _family portrait _in time.

Yep, and do review!


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